I SHOULD CALL
"I'm drinking tea from the mug your mamma gave me in 1995!" I type as I take a long sip of tea and text a photo of the mug to my best friend from high school. I feel a pang, I miss her voice. I should call. But then I'd be trapped on the phone. It's not her, it's me.
I don't like talking on the phone. I'm not sure when I realised this, but all my friends know this about me.
Interestingly, I have spent most of my proper "muggle" work life working primarily on the phone. My phone manner has been known as a verbal equivalent to the 'zamboni.' I love to help people get what they need and help people feel heard. I spent years convincing people to hire, interview, become interested in many wonderful things. Why can't I chat with friends?
I don't know yet but don't call me to find out. I get nervous. I ramble because I can't see how I can politely escape a call. I want to be as blunt as my thoughts and as awkward as I feel. I rely strongly on physical cues. My mind moves quickly. I can be random. I need to know people are following me. That they can see when I'm joking or serious.
I am concerned about being misunderstood by my friends but I do not believe clients will misunderstand me over the phone. Interesting, right?
I will however talk to my mother on the phone. Maybe that means I know unconditional love won't be insulted by lame silences on the phone or me making a cup of tea as we chat.
Knowing is half the battle right? I try to be in the moment when I speak on the phone. I'm getting better at it. I'm still likely to say: Talking on the phone is awful so let's go for a walk.
Did you always hate the phone? I used to talk on it for HOURS. I used to randomly go through my address book looking for people to phone the same way I scroll social media. I used to phone people with nothing to say, and somehow that was never an impediment to conversation. I don't remember when the shift occurred, but it did. These days talking on the phone just seems too passive, and I only do it if I am washing dishes or folding laundry. I do think the internet has changed the game for me, offering up the connection the phone used to deliver, and also eating large chunks of my day so that there doesn't seem like there are enough hours.
ReplyDeleteSo funny! Having nothing to say is no impediment when I talk to my mother. I save it all for her :) I think working as an agent and publicist hit it home for me. It may have drained me even though I loved it. The internet has changed things enormously as well. If anyone wants me to know anything, they will text me, right?
DeleteI feel you! I have an irrational fear of the phone; my heart starts to race every time it rings, and I avoid phone calls as much as possible. My good friends know that if they are going to call, they should text first to prepare me for it, haha. I read one time that the fear of phones dates back to their invention. Interesting!
ReplyDeleteMy mother was the same way! It changed eventually but she's not a phone person. Your irrational fear may be a wise one. Phone calls are not necessary any longer (for good or bad) and it's ok to not want to engage with whatever is on the other end - I rarely do myself.
DeleteI miss those pre-email, pre-text years when my best friend and I spent hours every evening talking on the phone about absolutely nothing, and absolutely everything, despite having spent the whole day together. I also miss the days of letters, both writing them and receiving them. I do love being sent a text (especially with a photo), or email, but I've become a poor correspondent (old? lazy? so much time in front of a computer all day that I avoid it in the evenings?). I would also prefer to go for a walk or have a coffee with a bestie, but when the miles and/ or time change make that difficult, and I'm not up to a Skype/ FaceTime call, I love the intimacy of a phone call.
ReplyDeleteOk, I love this. I'm sure my girlfriends and I used to do this to a degree. Our phone was located in the kitchen though, connected to the living room, so my parents were privy to every word so I kept it short. I talked everyone's ear off in person, certainly! I miss letter writing too. I have a few penpals I am supposed to be writing with and I truly am horrible about it. I love mail. I used to write a lot of fun letters, full of marginalia and sweet nothings. A walk and a coffee are my favourite ways to spend time with my friends. I recently Skyped with my BF who lives far away. I was worried I would be anxious, but we rocked it - We folded laundry and chopped veggies , whatever- and chatted. It was wonderful. I'm not sure why I don't do it more often!
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